"Jalapeno Business": Top Chef Takes on Derby

The tenth season of the cooking competition reality show "Top Chef" recently featured an episode called "Jalapeno Business" in which the cheftestants attend a Rat City bout (with Rose City) and create dishes based on derby names from the Rat City Rollergirls. Featured skaters were Missile America (given, for some reason, the name "Teriyaki Terrror", but more on that later), Kutta Betch (as "Kutta Rump"), Tempura Tantrum and Eddie Shredder. Cooking, product placement, and drama ensues.

The episode receives a mixed score in terms of roller derby representation. I have to give the producers big ups for featuring the skaters in track jackets, looking professional and fierce. I worried that the players would be clumsily sexed up or objectified. Instead, the producers chose to go the "tough derby" route of representation. The skaters introduce themselves by punning on their names using lines like "I'm Teriyaki Terror and I tear girls up." Judge Emeril Lagasse describes the skaters as "bold and brash" and instructs the chefs to cook appropriately, but "bring a helmet" to the game. A contestant describes the sport as "a really crazy, violent version of the Icecapades". All in all, pretty typical stuff. Derby is violent. Derby girls are tough. Rrawr. In this respect, the show relies on the sport to reflect a sense of cutthroat competition and high-stakes.

They also use the cheftestants going to a bout for colour and some footage of what appears to be a pretty drunk castmember. Appropriately, drama follows, but sadly none of the derby variety.

 A charming  interlude features Padma Lakshmi, the show's host, showing off her skating skills and being named "Padma Smacks-Me". The scene features a colour shift and effects reminiscent of an 70s' rollerdisco film, complete with retro font. This association of derby with the rollerdisco of the seventies is a common mistake, but it's not so aggravating as the obviously missed opportunity to coin the name "Padma Lash-Me" (you saw it here first).

Less ambivalent props are due to the show for showing the Seattle Derby Brats logo, as well as the WFTDA logo and bout footage. To a producer, shots like these are useful filler, but to a derby fan or a Rat City player watching and saying "Hey, that's totally my butt!" these recognizable images are meaningful and fun. It's also good publicity for both Rat City and the sport in general.

Where I found myself disappointed was seeing the skaters misrepresented. Missile America and Kutta Betch both had their names changed, presumably to avoid the potential issues of having names that bring to mind violence or colourful language as well as more directly guide the dishes being made. In the first case, though the 'appropriateness' of derby names is an ongoing discussion, the sport is not known for its delicacy. Why choose to feature players whose names you'll have to 'change' for broadcast?

The players featured are described as being All-Star members, but according to Rat City's site, that roster changes frequently, which may explain why Tantrum and Shredder (awesome though they are) aren't currently on the roster. I don't know if they were part of the All-Stars at the time of filming, but why not just describe them as Rat City players and eliminate the extra chance to misrepresent the league? Other players certainly could have been chosen to avoid indelicate language and hit particular food associations - Rat City has Punk'n Pie, Slamburger Patty, and Raspberry Slam, to name just a few. Missile and Kutta both have names they're right to be proud of and Bravo's cavalier willingness to change their names shows, at its base,  a misunderstanding of the sport.

Obviously, I can't claim to speak for Rat City and its players. Taking part in the episode provides useful publicity and helps the sport reach out to prospective fans, players and officials. I think their choice to be involved was a wise one and further proves the ability of Rat City and its players to act as excellent (and, er, quitequiteattractive) ambassadors for the sport.

I just hope that the Bravo Network's next trip to the rink treats Rat City and their sport the way they deserve.

Slow Derby Rocks: Blood on the Flat Track Review

Often you'll hear the slogan, "Slow derby sucks." I'm not especially attached to the idea, especially given how exciting strategies and positional blocking sometimes necessitate slower play. And if you do agree with the above, Blood on the Flat Track: The Rise of the Rat City Rollergirls may not be for you.

A 2007 documentary on Rat City, Seattle's premier roller derby league, Blood on the Flat Track is a thoughtful, relatively slow-paced film. It takes the time to depict in-depth stories about intra-league romances, interviews regarding how the teams feel about each other, and how the league came into its own. It's a wonderfully detailed film, but it doesn't have an over-arching narrative that some viewers might need to maintain their interest. When I saw it for the first time at a derby buddy's house, we ended up turning it off and watching Arrested Development instead.

But after returning to the film, I really enjoyed it. The detail and intimacy of the stories presented are incredibly charming if you take the time to let them sink in. You really go home with these players: you learn how they got married, you learn how they got into the sport, you learn about a family derby dynasty. My particular favourite was seeing how the teams interact on and off the track. Also, the Derby Liberation Front is my new favourite team.

If you're looking for a plot-driven derby doc, check out Hell on Wheels (reviewed by me here). But if you want to get cozy with a great league and get to know its players, Blood on the Flat Track is for you. It's also a wonderfully inclusive and super queer film.

One of the most interesting aspects of the film is how it catches Rat City at a pivotal moment, when derby in the city was still more in touch with its theatrical roots - we see out and out brawling and creative penalties that you just don't see in today's derby. It's remarkable seeing how fast the sport has professionalized and Blood on the Flat Track nicely catches the tipping point.

In that sense, it might be a good idea, if you're doing a derby double-feature, to watch Hell on Wheels first and Blood on the Flat-Track second. Together, they chart a great deal of the sport's progress.

The bottom line here is that Blood on the Flat Track is a detailed, emotionally engaging look into a healthy league. Folks looking for derby action will find it and those in need of a plot will find an arc later in the film regarding Rat City playing against the big girls of derby. Watch it with your league and I think you'll find yourselves seeing some familiar stories and I mean that in the best way possible.

Four skates out of five.