"Jalapeno Business": Top Chef Takes on Derby

The tenth season of the cooking competition reality show "Top Chef" recently featured an episode called "Jalapeno Business" in which the cheftestants attend a Rat City bout (with Rose City) and create dishes based on derby names from the Rat City Rollergirls. Featured skaters were Missile America (given, for some reason, the name "Teriyaki Terrror", but more on that later), Kutta Betch (as "Kutta Rump"), Tempura Tantrum and Eddie Shredder. Cooking, product placement, and drama ensues.

The episode receives a mixed score in terms of roller derby representation. I have to give the producers big ups for featuring the skaters in track jackets, looking professional and fierce. I worried that the players would be clumsily sexed up or objectified. Instead, the producers chose to go the "tough derby" route of representation. The skaters introduce themselves by punning on their names using lines like "I'm Teriyaki Terror and I tear girls up." Judge Emeril Lagasse describes the skaters as "bold and brash" and instructs the chefs to cook appropriately, but "bring a helmet" to the game. A contestant describes the sport as "a really crazy, violent version of the Icecapades". All in all, pretty typical stuff. Derby is violent. Derby girls are tough. Rrawr. In this respect, the show relies on the sport to reflect a sense of cutthroat competition and high-stakes.

They also use the cheftestants going to a bout for colour and some footage of what appears to be a pretty drunk castmember. Appropriately, drama follows, but sadly none of the derby variety.

 A charming  interlude features Padma Lakshmi, the show's host, showing off her skating skills and being named "Padma Smacks-Me". The scene features a colour shift and effects reminiscent of an 70s' rollerdisco film, complete with retro font. This association of derby with the rollerdisco of the seventies is a common mistake, but it's not so aggravating as the obviously missed opportunity to coin the name "Padma Lash-Me" (you saw it here first).

Less ambivalent props are due to the show for showing the Seattle Derby Brats logo, as well as the WFTDA logo and bout footage. To a producer, shots like these are useful filler, but to a derby fan or a Rat City player watching and saying "Hey, that's totally my butt!" these recognizable images are meaningful and fun. It's also good publicity for both Rat City and the sport in general.

Where I found myself disappointed was seeing the skaters misrepresented. Missile America and Kutta Betch both had their names changed, presumably to avoid the potential issues of having names that bring to mind violence or colourful language as well as more directly guide the dishes being made. In the first case, though the 'appropriateness' of derby names is an ongoing discussion, the sport is not known for its delicacy. Why choose to feature players whose names you'll have to 'change' for broadcast?

The players featured are described as being All-Star members, but according to Rat City's site, that roster changes frequently, which may explain why Tantrum and Shredder (awesome though they are) aren't currently on the roster. I don't know if they were part of the All-Stars at the time of filming, but why not just describe them as Rat City players and eliminate the extra chance to misrepresent the league? Other players certainly could have been chosen to avoid indelicate language and hit particular food associations - Rat City has Punk'n Pie, Slamburger Patty, and Raspberry Slam, to name just a few. Missile and Kutta both have names they're right to be proud of and Bravo's cavalier willingness to change their names shows, at its base,  a misunderstanding of the sport.

Obviously, I can't claim to speak for Rat City and its players. Taking part in the episode provides useful publicity and helps the sport reach out to prospective fans, players and officials. I think their choice to be involved was a wise one and further proves the ability of Rat City and its players to act as excellent (and, er, quitequiteattractive) ambassadors for the sport.

I just hope that the Bravo Network's next trip to the rink treats Rat City and their sport the way they deserve.

The Game of the Name: Roller Derby Monikers

A roller derby player has several  things in common with a superhero.  A costume. Super powers (booty blocking included). Fans. And a secret identity.

Every player has her on-track persona, exemplified by her name. Our very own Team Canada has Killson from FCDG, Rainbow Fight from 709 Derby Girls, Georgia W Tush from Montreal  . And these women are superheroes on skates, make no mistake.

Derby names range from the cute to the punny to the frankly frightening.  And every one is unique – see for yourself. It’s true that there are some suspiciously similar names, but the roster is vetted for those. Once a name is put on there, it can’t be copied.

I recently read a really interesting post on derby names that posited that in order for the sport to move forward, names need to be vetted for content as well as originality. The post correctly points out that sexist, misogynistic or offensive names shouldn’t have a place in derby.

But it can be difficult to separate sexist from sexy and offensive from outspoken. There are terms I use that some might argue don’t have a place in family-friendly roller derby. For example, I have no problem with positive reclamation of the word 'cunt' (Man, my Google hits are about to take a sudden left turn). And here’s where I disagree with the idea that derby names need to be policed for the good of the sport.

Roller derby is not soccer. It’s a sport that was rooted in crash commercialism and then revived and literally taken over by the women who played it. It’s not just a sport: it’s a battleground.  Roller derby is typified by a DIY esthetic and an in-your-face bravado.  It’s not a typical sport, nor should it be.

It’s not that I don’t think derby should spread. It’s doing that as we speak, crass names and all. But do I want roller derby in the Olympics? Frankly, no (and not just because several team sports like baseball aren’t either). To me, roller derby is best as an outsider sport and not because I want us to get to keep all the derby goodness to ourselves.  I want derby to grow without compromising what makes it special, namely that DIY principle, that feminist practice, that outrageous name on the back of a jersey.

But let's remember, folks: if your name isn't worthy of a superheroine, maybe you should reconsider, not for the sport, but for the players and fans around you. While you're busy being your own hero, you might be someone else's, too.

3ZH4SAGBVFUR

What's in a Derby Name? Choosing Your Persona

At the risk of passing on whatever Lovecraftian illness I have, which does seem to be aggressive enough to spread itself via blog posts, today we're talking choosing a derby name (more on the derby name as a phenomenon later this week).

Often, new roller derby players have a name in mind before they've tried their skates on. Others have months to find the right one. In both cases, they sometimes end up finding it's already taken by checking the International Rollergirl's Master Roster, (as we all must). When I started out, I was devastated "Bettie Rage" and "Pain Austen" had already been scooped up. Whether you're just starting out considering the name you'll give to your derby life or you've come back to the drawing board, here's one model of picking your name and then some suggestions more generally.

When I started skating, I made a list of names I liked. Being a grad student in the humanities, I went largely for puns related to literature. When the more obvious ones were taken (though "Charlotte Brawn-te" is still free, I think) I got creative. Not every skater uses a pun for her name, but I'm very into puns, so making weak plays on words felt natural to me. In the midst of a brainstorming session (and boy, was there a list of at least fifteen possible names), I thought of "Cthulhu Lemon", riffing on H.P. Lovecraft's "Call of Cthulhu", a cosmic horror story, and LuluLemon, purveyor of expensive yoga gear.

Terrible, Terrible Photoshop by me. Yes, that is a Lemon

In my case, I risked a lot of folks not getting my name or even knowing how to pronounce it. With my stutter, I myself have a lot of trouble with the hard 'C' at the beginning of my derby name. I can admit that this is at least a bit funny. I'm often Lemon for short. These were things I should have considered, though accessibility and pronunciation will matter more or less depending on the player. All in all, I love my name because it's geeky and weird and that's me on or off the track.

Seven Suggestions For Selecting Your Sobriquet

1) For guidance, try picking a theme. Celebrity names are often a go-to (our league has Kat von Damage). Riffs on your real name are also a possibility (hence our Killer Suenami). Do you want it to relate to your hobbies, your work (our own Sewer Princess works for the city), your own personality, or on the flipside, something with nothing to do with your real life at all?
2) Get ideas from friends and family. You'll get some groaners, sure, but they may surprise you.
3) Brainstorm, brainstorm, brainstorm. Have back-ups. There are a lot of derby girls out there and some of them might already have the name you want. Don't just change one letter so you get to be "Betteee Rage". Get creative. Having a great derby name is a point of pride.
4) Consider how the name will shape the expectations of other players. Do you want to seem fast, sly ...homicidal? Consider how it will make *you* feel to be called by a certain name or a shortened version of this name.
5) Check your name out. Is it offensive? Is it misogynistic? Remember this is a representation of you and your league. This is what you might be called while playing for your country at the Roller Derby World Cup, if you're particularly awesome.
6) Consider the implications of your name more directly. If it's a joke, do you care if people get it? Are you willing to explain if necessary? (Warning: this *can* be a bit of a hassle, but it's worth it if you love it.)
7) Check out resources like Rollergirl's Guide to picking your name, SVRG's Ultimate Guide, or Cherry Rockette's guide, which is particularly good for laying out considerations for the Master Roster.

Get your thinking helmets on, ladies.