There are a lot of resources online regarding how to get started in derby, but we don't often discuss how to leave - whether your time with a particular league is over or derby just isn't for you any more, it's important to feel supported and informed in your decision. Consider the following scenarios (and the fact that they often interact) and some suggested DOs and DON'Ts.
"I don't have time to be in a relationship right now": The Schedule Issue
Roller derby can be a huge timesuck and often the amount of time we put in is reflected by what we get out of it. But derby is one of a lot of activities that demand a lot out of us and it's easy to feel overwhelmed. If you find that derby is getting squeezed out of your schedule, consider the following.
DON'T feel ashamed or guilty: any league worth its loaner bin will not guilt-trip or punish you. Leagues should have procedures for enabling community-members to leave and provide as much support for outgoing skaters, referees, coaches or NSOs as they do their incoming ones.
DON'T slink or fade away by degrees. Making a clean, honest break will limit your ability to feel rotten about something that's already hard.
DO be honest about your reasons and keep channels of communication open in case your situation changes and you might want to come back.
DO practice self-care and forgiveness. You might be giving up a big source of community and support, which could leave you feeling vulnerable. Take care of yourself.
"It's not you, it's me. Really": The Amicable Break-up
Whatever your reasons - moving away, permanent injury, or schedule as above - you have to leave the league you love. It will be hard, but it's got to be done. Consider these suggestions.
DON'T find excuses to leave angry. It's tempting to reject the people or things we don't really want to leave to make it easier on ourselves, but it's a wrongheaded approach.
DON'T feel that leaving in whatever capacity you're involved in currently means you can't be involved at all.
DO stay connected. If you're still in the same area, come out as a fan. If you're farther away, stay in contact using Facebook or email with both the league itself and your friends in the league.
DO take your last lap, whatever that means for you. Whether you take a spin around the track to the applause of your community or get stood a few drinks at the bar, take the chance to end things on a high note, celebrating the relationship you've had.
" Oh, crap": When Things Have Gone Bad
Sometimes we have to leave league-relationships that have gone sour. Whether it's a result of personal or professional conflict, you have to get out of there as quickly and cleanly as possible.
DON'T assume that a conflict with one community-member means a conflict with everyone. Keep important friendships you've made through the community: they'll keep the good memories good.
DON'T get petty. Don't engage with whoever or whatever has made involvement untenable unless there is a legal or ethical issue you *can* have an effect on. And even then, consider whether this would be a healthy use of your time and energy. Your first priority should be your own well-being.
DO celebrate being free from a negative influence. Skate away!
DO be honest, inasmuch as doing so respects your own comfort level. This will be different for everyone, but a well-run league should be able to take seriously your reasons for leaving and act accordingly for the benefit of the community.
Whatever your reasons for leaving a league, keep good memories and habits close to your heart and practice self-care.
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