"Jalapeno Business": Top Chef Takes on Derby

The tenth season of the cooking competition reality show "Top Chef" recently featured an episode called "Jalapeno Business" in which the cheftestants attend a Rat City bout (with Rose City) and create dishes based on derby names from the Rat City Rollergirls. Featured skaters were Missile America (given, for some reason, the name "Teriyaki Terrror", but more on that later), Kutta Betch (as "Kutta Rump"), Tempura Tantrum and Eddie Shredder. Cooking, product placement, and drama ensues.

The episode receives a mixed score in terms of roller derby representation. I have to give the producers big ups for featuring the skaters in track jackets, looking professional and fierce. I worried that the players would be clumsily sexed up or objectified. Instead, the producers chose to go the "tough derby" route of representation. The skaters introduce themselves by punning on their names using lines like "I'm Teriyaki Terror and I tear girls up." Judge Emeril Lagasse describes the skaters as "bold and brash" and instructs the chefs to cook appropriately, but "bring a helmet" to the game. A contestant describes the sport as "a really crazy, violent version of the Icecapades". All in all, pretty typical stuff. Derby is violent. Derby girls are tough. Rrawr. In this respect, the show relies on the sport to reflect a sense of cutthroat competition and high-stakes.

They also use the cheftestants going to a bout for colour and some footage of what appears to be a pretty drunk castmember. Appropriately, drama follows, but sadly none of the derby variety.

 A charming  interlude features Padma Lakshmi, the show's host, showing off her skating skills and being named "Padma Smacks-Me". The scene features a colour shift and effects reminiscent of an 70s' rollerdisco film, complete with retro font. This association of derby with the rollerdisco of the seventies is a common mistake, but it's not so aggravating as the obviously missed opportunity to coin the name "Padma Lash-Me" (you saw it here first).

Less ambivalent props are due to the show for showing the Seattle Derby Brats logo, as well as the WFTDA logo and bout footage. To a producer, shots like these are useful filler, but to a derby fan or a Rat City player watching and saying "Hey, that's totally my butt!" these recognizable images are meaningful and fun. It's also good publicity for both Rat City and the sport in general.

Where I found myself disappointed was seeing the skaters misrepresented. Missile America and Kutta Betch both had their names changed, presumably to avoid the potential issues of having names that bring to mind violence or colourful language as well as more directly guide the dishes being made. In the first case, though the 'appropriateness' of derby names is an ongoing discussion, the sport is not known for its delicacy. Why choose to feature players whose names you'll have to 'change' for broadcast?

The players featured are described as being All-Star members, but according to Rat City's site, that roster changes frequently, which may explain why Tantrum and Shredder (awesome though they are) aren't currently on the roster. I don't know if they were part of the All-Stars at the time of filming, but why not just describe them as Rat City players and eliminate the extra chance to misrepresent the league? Other players certainly could have been chosen to avoid indelicate language and hit particular food associations - Rat City has Punk'n Pie, Slamburger Patty, and Raspberry Slam, to name just a few. Missile and Kutta both have names they're right to be proud of and Bravo's cavalier willingness to change their names shows, at its base,  a misunderstanding of the sport.

Obviously, I can't claim to speak for Rat City and its players. Taking part in the episode provides useful publicity and helps the sport reach out to prospective fans, players and officials. I think their choice to be involved was a wise one and further proves the ability of Rat City and its players to act as excellent (and, er, quitequiteattractive) ambassadors for the sport.

I just hope that the Bravo Network's next trip to the rink treats Rat City and their sport the way they deserve.

Movie Review: Roller Town

Perhaps it's appropriate that my Triumphant Return to this blog after being on a Howard Hughes-like lockdown in my apartment for my first comprehensive exam is to review Nova Scotian comedy troupe Picnicface's Roller Town. Much like my return to the outside world after four hours of writing about literary theory, my exit from the theatre after seeing Roller Town was characterized by feeling a bit sheepish and kind of in need of some clarification of what exactly just happened.

Picnicface's Roller Town is a cheerful, absurdist, shameless parody of something essentially parodic in itself: roller disco. The film tells the story of Leo, the orphaned roller disco king of the film's eponymous roller rink. When his beloved Roller Town is threatened into turning into a video game arcade by the gangster who shot his father, Leo sets out to beat the odds and maybe fall in love along the way. Or maybe the love story starts first. I honestly can't remember and frankly I don't have to. If I remember the glitter and the repeated joke about having sex with corn, I've pretty much got this one down.

Punctuated by short, incredibly shiny musical numbers from the fictional disco trio The Boogaloos, Roller Town is bright, cheerful and sometimes really quite funny. A musical interlude called "It's Fuck O'clock" is perhaps the film's shining moment, which tempts me to suggest you look it up on Youtube and decide whether you want to see a film in which that is the apex of its humour. It's entirely possible that you will.

Perhaps unavoidably, the film proceeds unevenly, going from joke to joke: some are clever and some are cheap. The occasional particularly sexualized joke stands out not because it's especially transgressive or shocking, but because the majority of the film has a kind of innocence that  makes some of the humour seem really out of place, even when these instances are funny. It's hard to hold it against the film because it radiates a kind of benevolent self-satisfaction, a bit like that really nice, quiet stoner you knew in high school. You wonder if maybe they know something you don't, but only briefly.

The film is undeniably fun and elevated by two performances in particular, Kayla Lorette as love interest Julia and Pat Thornton as a dimwitted (but notably not the most dimwitted) gangster, Beef. Lorette's Julia is the closest thing the film has to a straight man figure and her occasional confusion with the general wackiness around her seems to be a bone thrown the audience's way. Thornton's Beef threatens to steal the show, with some of the film's better lines and excellent delivery.

Most of the interest I've heard regarding the film has been through derby-related channels, and while there are a lot of rollerskates onscreen, this is not a derby movie. Watching the skater's upright posture and lack of knee pads - both of which are realistic considering the skating style - actually distracted me from getting into the film. But the film can be a fun outing for league members, with the caveat that several of the folks I went with felt our league CEO owed them $11 for her recommendation of the film. This isn't Whip It, but it's fun.

It's difficult to articulate whether I would generally recommend seeing Roller Town or not. I liked it more upon retelling the plot to my partner than I did immediately upon seeing the film itself. It's not a case of being so bad that it's good, because the film has scenes that are legitimately good in the first place, followed by others that don't hit the mark. I think that viewers who enjoy absurd humour, a plot that in no way takes itself seriously and for bonus points, Canadian content, will enjoy Roller Town..

You just might want to be a little drunk.

Book Review: Red Tash's Troll or Derby

So, what happens when roller derby meets fairies, trolls and drug cartels?

Red Tash, formerly Tyra Durden of the Derby City Rollergirls,  could tell you. Her previous novels include This Brilliant Darkness and The Wizard Tales, and this time, she's penned Troll or Derby, a roller derby fantasy novel about a roller skater from the Midwest named Deb and Harlow, a musician who happens to be a troll. Tash takes you from burning meth labs to supermarket aisles to the fairy underworld hidden in the heartland. Smart, fast-paced and constantly changing perspectives and locales, Troll or Derby is a kaleidoscopic page-turner that hits the ground skating.

Tash has a gift for pointing out funny, macabre details and leaves each chapter dangling, keeping the plot going. Like Holly Black's urban fantasy Tithe, but for the rural set or Jim Butcher's Dresden Files for the young skater, Troll or Derby is funny, dark fantasy with a pop culture sensibility. Music has a particular presence in the book, informing both chapter headings and key moments in the plot.

Of the two main characters, Harlow is a particularly engaging narrator, though Deb's perspective takes on added charm the more fairy world and roller derby come to the fore. Dialogue early in the book is occasionally stilted, due to the necessity of building a sense of the text's world.  Deb herself reads almost too cool to be true by the book's end, but ultimately she's balanced by Harlow's tusked, self-deprecating charms. For spoiler-containing considerations of the book's sexual politics, highlight the following: Deb's queer-inflected sexuality, combined with her escape from the clutches of an immensely sexy but irredeemably evil derby wife along with Harlow's love for her reads uncomfortably like a heterosexual rescue arc at first glance. However, upon a second look, Deb and Harlow's relationship seems ultimately more complex than a simple romance and I hope future installments of the story follow through with that.  

But what about the roller derby? Aside from Deb being frequently referred to as 'Roller Deb,' which I  must admit I found a bit grating at first, derby really only comes to the centre of the rink in the final third of the book. When it does, however, it gets it just right. Tash captures the spell of derby in a wonderfully literal way, from the intensity of the derby wife and intra-team relationship to the whirlwind of the sometimes too-hard partying we associate with the derby lifestyle. Tash uses just the right fairy tale trope inflections to make the book's derby scenes stand out. They are just delicious. And it turns out that fairy knee pads stink just as bad as human ones.

All in all, Troll or Derby is hell on wheels. We can only hope for more. Visit redtash.com to learn more and order your copy.

Slow Derby Rocks: Blood on the Flat Track Review

Often you'll hear the slogan, "Slow derby sucks." I'm not especially attached to the idea, especially given how exciting strategies and positional blocking sometimes necessitate slower play. And if you do agree with the above, Blood on the Flat Track: The Rise of the Rat City Rollergirls may not be for you.

A 2007 documentary on Rat City, Seattle's premier roller derby league, Blood on the Flat Track is a thoughtful, relatively slow-paced film. It takes the time to depict in-depth stories about intra-league romances, interviews regarding how the teams feel about each other, and how the league came into its own. It's a wonderfully detailed film, but it doesn't have an over-arching narrative that some viewers might need to maintain their interest. When I saw it for the first time at a derby buddy's house, we ended up turning it off and watching Arrested Development instead.

But after returning to the film, I really enjoyed it. The detail and intimacy of the stories presented are incredibly charming if you take the time to let them sink in. You really go home with these players: you learn how they got married, you learn how they got into the sport, you learn about a family derby dynasty. My particular favourite was seeing how the teams interact on and off the track. Also, the Derby Liberation Front is my new favourite team.

If you're looking for a plot-driven derby doc, check out Hell on Wheels (reviewed by me here). But if you want to get cozy with a great league and get to know its players, Blood on the Flat Track is for you. It's also a wonderfully inclusive and super queer film.

One of the most interesting aspects of the film is how it catches Rat City at a pivotal moment, when derby in the city was still more in touch with its theatrical roots - we see out and out brawling and creative penalties that you just don't see in today's derby. It's remarkable seeing how fast the sport has professionalized and Blood on the Flat Track nicely catches the tipping point.

In that sense, it might be a good idea, if you're doing a derby double-feature, to watch Hell on Wheels first and Blood on the Flat-Track second. Together, they chart a great deal of the sport's progress.

The bottom line here is that Blood on the Flat Track is a detailed, emotionally engaging look into a healthy league. Folks looking for derby action will find it and those in need of a plot will find an arc later in the film regarding Rat City playing against the big girls of derby. Watch it with your league and I think you'll find yourselves seeing some familiar stories and I mean that in the best way possible.

Four skates out of five. 

Business Review - Rollergirl

Today is our first business review, in which I'll describe my experience buying from a roller derby-related business. I thought I would start off by reviewing Rollergirl, a Canadian-owned, derby-owned business located in Vancouver, British Columbia. Here are the details.

What I Had Heard Prior to my Purchase:  Rollergirl came highly recommended by my fellow skaters. Their site has great resources for skaters and good selection. My biggest concern was pricing: I'm a derby girl on a budget and Rollergirl has only one yearly sale. It's a substantial sale, depending on what you're buying. This year, the best deals were on wheels, largely. Rollergirl also sponsors leagues, which is pretty cool.

The Buy: Riedell 265s with Flatout Wheels and Bones REDS bearings
Skate Tool
Riedell Toe Snouts

The Process: Before purchasing the skates, I was concerned about sizing. Since this was my first pair of new skates, I had originally wanted to buy them in a brick and mortar store, so I could be sure of the sizing. Since I couldn't find the price or model I wanted in London or Toronto, I decided to lie in wait for the yearly sale.

Rollergirl offers a sizing guarantee and has employees available by phone or email to guide you through the sizing process. Sizing is usually guaranteed - if the skates you order don't fit, they'll pay all shipping costs involved in the exchange except for international orders outside the U.S.

In my case, I emailed back and forth with an employee ahead of the sale, because they do not answer the phone or emails on the day of the sale.

Rollergirl.ca

The Result: All my gear arrived safely and in a timely fashion, considering I'd ordered the cheapest shipping. The package contained detailed instructions for attaching my toe snouts, which was a life-saver. I was a very satisfied customer.

Verdict: Rollergirl is a great online retailer. The customer service was unparalleled. However, prices can seem a bit steep, given just how much equipment is needed for derby. I would recommend waiting for Rollergirl's early spring sale and/or consider splitting shipping costs with a league-mate. Check to see if your league is sponsored by Rollergirl. Follow their sizing instructions if they apply to your purchase.

Details: Rollergirl's website
Rollergirl's Store
Returns Policy

CSI: Miami "Wheels Up" Review

The only thing the CSI series is more famous for than showing 'graphic forensic content' at dinnertime is exploiting subcultures (furries, kinky people, you name it) to make murder investigations even more exciting. CSI tends to go for research over understanding, which in the case of roller derby representation, might actually be a good thing, because one of the most common complaints about derby in popular culture is factual mistakes. As promised last week, we're going to discuss the episode today.

Copyright CBS

So, how did CSI: Miami do? "Wheels Up" features the team attempting to find the killer of roller derby jammer Wrath of Connie. Along the way, they bump up against players, refs, boyfriends, brothers and an announcer who won't shut up - the typical roller derby crowd.

First, the pros of the episode: derby is shown fairly accurately. As you can see in the picture above, they have the gear seemingly right (see the pivot helmet panty?). They show players getting up in the penalty box (which looks like a prop in an exotic dancer club, but more on that later), they don't purely show derby as wrestling on skates. Players have individual personalities and back-stories. They even show a player who was seriously injured in a bout, leading to life-changing consequences. The representation of derby often doesn't get past the rink or address the fact that roller derby's sexy danger can have consequences, so it's heartening to see CSI doing so.

One particularly good aspect of the episode is an emotional explanation of what a 'derby wife' is, namely a fellow player you count on as your special derby buddy, your skate-sister, the person who gets in the ambulance with you. I know the derby wife phenomenon isn't popular with every player (more on this later in the week), but it's an aspect of derby often glossed over and in this episode, Wrath of Connie's relationship with her derby wife is one of the healthiest connections depicted in the hour.

Also, it's a bit of a True Blood reunion. Lindsay Pulsipher, who plays Crystal on TB, plays an injured derby player here. Todd Lowe, who plays the amazing Terry Bellefleur, plays a complete jerk here, albeit one on a motorcycle, so if that's your thing, watch this. Also, someone punches Ryan, so it's a good hour in television history.

Copyright CBS

Now, the cons: the show heavily relied on roller derby stereotypes to get its foot in the door. The official tagline from CBS publicity was "When the CSIs investigate a murder at a roller derby match, the only thing shorter than the girls' skirts are their tempers". You know, the usual. There are catfights. The girls are largely aggressive, even threatening, but almost never unsexy. A key plot rests on metal-reinforced elbow pads which would never pass WFTDA regulations and I strongly suspect would cost a player their spot on a team if discovered. The spirit of roller derby is still misunderstood here, I think.


Their "Sin Bin" isn't regulation (it only has room for one skater), but it's in keeping with the sexy vibe the show is going  for. Also, helmet hair is often suspiciously absent. Personally, I like my derby girls realistically gross, but the show apparently disagreed. The largely male CSI team dealing with the girls at the match and commenting by saying things like "I don't whether I'm scared or turned on" might be a deconstruction of the role of the male gaze in derby, but I doubt it. Largely, the team is there to get frightened and turned on , as is the viewership of CSI (let's be honest here).


Ultimately, the episode "Wheels Up" isn't bad. I was pleasantly surprised, even. But will someone tell the writers Corey Evett and Matthew S. Partney not to bother raising the spectre of the obsessive, potentially lesbian desire-fueled room-mate?  The only lesbian panic I want in my roller derby is being shocked to find we don't have enough of them and going out to get more.

Whip It Review and Derby in Popular Film

Whip It is a 2009 Ellen Page vehicle directed by Drew Barrymore and based on Shauna Cross' novel Derby Girl. In the film, Bliss (Page) discovers roller derby, despite the limitations of living in a small Texas town under the watchful eye of her mother (Marcia Gay Harden), who makes her compete in local beauty pageants. Supporting characters include her best friend Pash (Alia Shawkat), intriguing musician Oliver (Landon Pigg) and roller derby ladies such as Smashley Simpson (Barrymore), Maggie Mayhem (Kristen Wiig), and Rosa Sparks (Eve).

Let's be frank: if you're reading this blog, you've probably already seen Whip It. Some of you might have come to derby specifically because seeing Whip It sparked or finally confirmed your interest in derby. Personally, I received a DVD copy of the film as a birthday present around the same time I started playing and planned a special showing with my partner, only to get impatient and watch it in secret. If you haven't seen the film, do so.

Whip It is good but not stellar. It's funny but impaired by a lot of sport movie and coming of age cliches. (My partner did give it points for having an actual sport tactic matter to the film's climax, however.) Its representation of derby culture, ranging from the physical challenges, to female rivalries and friendships to the often male coaches and implied male spectatorship is mostly spot-on. The game itself is misrepresented, as derby often is in television and film, as a no-boundaries contact sport, rather than a full-contact sport with checking but, say, no elbows to the face. For those who do want roller derby without penalties, this is what you're looking for.

The film's relationship with women is a mixed bag – it can be rightly commended as a feminist film, but one still perpetuating some tired stereotypes about women's bodies and (spoilers! Highlight to read) sex and what its relationship is to a woman's value. Bliss' mother misses a chance to correct this and it's sad to watch. As a fun film for derby enthusiasts and a fairly solid introduction to what roller derby can mean to a woman who feels frustrated by social or cultural limits on what she can do, Whip It does the job.

More broadly, Whip It is a good sign of the proliferation of roller derby culture. It's a derby film, penned and directed by women, largely driven by a female cast. The actors were extensively trained to skate and even in London, ON, our local Forest City Derby Girls partnered with a cinema to promote the sport at the film's premiere. That is astoundingly cool. At the same time, Whip It was a middling critical success and a definite commercial flop. And we need more roller derby films, more successful examples of the sport being depicted in entertainment. (Fun Fact: Zoe Bell, who played Bloody Holly in the film also played a roller derby player in the CSI: Miami episode, “Wheels Up” in 2011, which I'll review next week. Zoe was also Xena's stunt double.)

Modern roller derby has seemed to find more lasting success thus far when depicted in documentary style. The recent Hell on Wheels (reviewed by me here) and the A&E-tastic Rollergirls and the myriad of short derby docs making the rounds on Youtube (Brutiful is one) have received more consistent attention. Whip It is one of a very small number of feature films that attempt to portray roller derby as part of a story (the Rollerball remake with Chris Klein and LL Cool J does not count). And as I said, Whip It isn't perfect.

But it's pretty cool to have a solid roller derby film that isn't old enough to have featured a young Mickey Rooney.