99 Bottles of Beer - LOCO vs Green Rollergettes, South Simcoe Rebel Rollers vs Rollergettes

Derby Lesson of the Day? If you want to know the score at the bout, don't work the beer table.

I arrived in Toronto yesterday, carrying a back-pack and a duffel bag after spending a few weeks house-sitting with my brother. I schlepped my way across the city to the George Bell arena in Toronto. After locating my buddies from LOCO, there to play a pre-game "mini-bout" against the newer members of the Rollergettes, I dumped my bags in the locker room and offered myself up to the volunteer coordinator, the lovely Jillenium Falcon. I ended up spending the evening taking beer tickets, slinging drinks and occasionally jumping to avoid broken glass from exploding beer bottles.

I can't tell you much about the pre-game 20-minute bout, save that the LOCO ladies rocked it, 34 to 20. As for the main bout between the Rollergettes and the South Simcoe Rebel Rollers, I can say even less. But here's what I can comment on - at a derby bout, the fans are thirsty, they tip well and if the beer you've poured in their cups has too much head, they'll gladly down what's left in the bottle to save you having to fill another cup, bless them.

From a high corner in the humid George Bell arena, I saw sweaty, fantastic derby girls - South Simcoe looked tough and hot in their black tees, the Rollergettes looked home-team confident in purple, white and green, and LOCO showed the crowd that low-contact still means an exciting game. I saw equally sweaty fans, cheering the players and routinely coming back for more beer, and paramedics coming to snag some of our ice.

Our set-up was simple. We had a tub of ice and three kinds of beer courtesy of Great Lakes Brewery. Fans' choices included Golden Horseshoe Lager, Orange Peel Ale and Green Tea Ale, all of which were godsends in the hot arena. The crowd favoured Horseshoe all night, but Green Tea made significant gains as word of mouth spread. A valiant fan lent us his bottle opener when our original was proving a bit lackadaisical and I made enough tip money to buy a South Simcoe t-shirt (thanks, Toronto!).

Notable happenings: beer exploded. Two bottles of Green Tea Ale popped without warning; one, in the ice-bin and one all over the floor. A sweet fan fished out most of the broken glass from the bin, mindful of my poor fingers, which are currently band-aided. My injuries (bout beats of a kind, to be sure) are mostly limited to some cuts and blisters from frequent ice baths, sharp bottle caps, and the general business of opening beer bottles for four hours.

So what did I learn last night? Derby is a family game and derby is a hard game. One guy is there strictly for beer and hotpants while the patron behind him dandles an adorable child over his tattooed arm. Cute hipsters stalk the arena and sweet dresses are often in evidence. People who love derby embrace all of it, from the hits to the sweat to the sequins.

Derby Lesson of the Day #2: If volunteering, always put your cell phone in the pocket less likely to get beer and ice-water repeatedly poured on it.

After my (awesome) shift, I got a Green Tea Ale for myself (it tasted like ginseng and danger) and finished 650 ml of beer in about two minutes. I congratulated my friend and LOCO alumnus Knuckle Slamwitch on her win and a kick-ass jam and then caught a ride back to London with my league-mate Avalanche. We got lost on the way into London, but my night ended, as I like it to, safely in my partner's bed.

I'm proud to have had my first bout as a volunteer. Derby bouts are electric and it takes hard work on and off-skate to make it happen. I was thoroughly impressed by both the volunteers and players brought in by LOCO, South Simcoe and the Rollergettes. Next time, whether my shirt is soaked in sweat or beer, I know to look forward to the quality crowd derby brings out.

And I'll know a bout is nothing if there isn't flying glass.